Mary van Balen

Last night, this old hippie attended her first rock concert. Well, the Trans Siberian Orchestra is not a true "rock band," as my daughter who accompanied me pointed out, but it is close enough. I was propelled to buy two tickets one night when I was hungry for music, music that would energize as well as entertain. Having listened to Rochmaninoff's "Vespers," Handel's Messiah," and Pavorrati's "O Holy Night" countless times, I logged on the internet only to find that the singalong Messiah, and any holiday offerings of the symphony were past. Few options remained before the new year.

One group, Trans Siberian Orchestra, sounded familiar. My work schedule actually would allow me to attend their Sunday afternoon concert. I googled the group, an eclectic mix of strings, percussion, guitar, and vocals, and decided to give it a go.  Read More 

Today's headlines include an AP article about the increase of poverty in the US. According to census figures, 1 in 2 people in the US are poor or low income. The figures are not surprising since the economy has been struggling for years, and government programs that act as safety nets have been decreased. My job, fulltime at a large department store, would put me in the low income range even though I work 35-39 hours per week. It does provide good benefits, and many of those who work there are not the sole income earners for themselves or their families. Still, I am blessed to have other sources of revenue to supplement my pay check. All are not so fortunate.

I am well educated and have a wide variety of experience and a strong social network that gives me support. What about those who have less education? Who have young children to support? Who are single parents? Who have been out of work for years? If I had difficulty finding a job, imagine the plight of so many others. As I said, the figures were not surprising.

What bothered me in the article was a comment by Robert Rector, a research fellow at the conservative Heritage Foundation. He questioned whether those classified as poor or low-income in the census report actually suffered material hardship. He thinks the safety-net governmental programs offered to such people have been overdone. His rationale? Some of them have cars, decent sized homes, and widescreen TVs. Read More 

Sometimes we do anything to drive darkness away. The empty space inside our hearts, the "virginal emptiness" as Caryll Houselander calls it, can be uncomfortable. Even as we "wait" during Advent, we can fill our days with enough activity and preparation for Christmas day that we have no time or desire to experience the emptiness which God alone can fill. And honestly, who can blame us? Darkness can be scary. Like when we were children and wanted a night light or at least the bedroom door left ajar to let in light from the hallway. Who knew what lurked in the darkness under our beds, in the closets, or in the night?

When I saw this house and lawn covered with lights and every imaginable decoration from Santas to moose sitting on packages, I was reminded of the human tendency to light up the dark, even if the end result is as confusing and garish as these Christmas decorations. A nativity scene is tucked into the display, but is not lit and is better seen when the sun comes up and the electricity goes off. Read More 

Today's readings are full of light. The morning Psalm (69): "Lord answer for your mercy is kind; in your great compassion, turn toward me. Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in distress..."

From the book of Tobit, who had become blind: "Tobit saw his son and threw his arms around him. Weeping, he exclaimed, "I can see you, son, the light of my eyes! Then he prayed, 'Blessed be God, blessed be his great name, and blessed be all his holy angels.'"

From Isaiah 29: "On that day the deaf shall her the words of a book; And out of gloom of darkness, the eyes of the blind shall see."

From the gospel, Matthew 9: "As Jesus passed by, two blind men followed him, crying out, 'Son of David, have pity on us!' When he entered the house, the blind men approached him and Jesus said to them, 'Do you believe that I can do this?' 'Yes, Lord,' they said to him. Then he touched their eyes and said, 'Let it be done for you according to your faith.' And their eyes were opened..."

From Psalm 27: "The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom should I fear? The Lord is my life's refuge; of whom should I be afraid? One thing I ask of the Lord; this I seek: To dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life...Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord."


I read today's readings. Then I read articles in The New York Times. An Afghan woman, 19, who was raped and gave birth to her child in prison will be pardoned...if she marries the rapist. Democrats and Republicans at odds over tax bill that would extend tax cuts to millions of middle class workers and increase taxes on millionaires and billionaires. No new taxes is the Republican mantra. Cautious steps towards opening relations with Myanmar on conditions of opening politics and ending violent oppression.

Ready to leave for work, I wonder about my faith in the Light. Can I, can those suffering in ways I cannot imagine, "Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord?"

Come, Lord Jesus, Come.


 Read More 

Today's Old Testament reading is from Isaiah. We will hear much from Isaiah this advent season, and today's passage (11.1-10) is an example of his confidence in God's goodness and wonder at Divine glory. From the concrete image of a shoot sprouting from a stump, the prophet moves us to the infusion of the Spirit that will fill the One who comes. He will possess wisdom and will seek justice for the poor.

His kingdom is like no other, filled with glorious impossibilities:the wolf the guest of the lamb, the calf and young lion exploring together, the lion eating hay, a child playing in the cobra's den.

If all these probable impossibilities are to come, is nothing impossible? All people living in peace? No wars? No hunger or famine? No abuse?

This morning, I want to believe, but my heart does not resonate with the joy of the verses. I look at my Christmas Cactus, ready to bloom in the midst of gray, rainy winter. Its magenta buds add a splash of color to the room, but I struggle to savor it. Read More 

This year my advent wreath is simple: blue candles in two glass candelabra from my parent's home. I will add a few things as I unpack a holiday box, but simplicity remains the theme.. The old candelabra remind me of my parents' waiting in hope for the birth of each of their children. I arrived after a number of miscarriages. The youngest was an emergency delivery and my father was told that likely neither mother or child would survive. They didn't know my mother's sheer willpower, and my brother inherited her tenacity. Both survived.

Each night as I light the candles, I will remember their faith, hope, and love, and bring it into my prayer. Dad's recent death has left a hole in my heart. Thanksgiving was difficult for me this year. Christmas will be, too, I imagine, though I will have all my daughters home to celebrate.

In today's Morning Prayer reading from Isaiah (43.1-3a) God reassures us: we are redeemed. God calls us by name and is with us when we walk through difficult times. Despite life's changes, including the death of loved ones, this season speaks of hope. Candle flames illuminate darkness as God's Presence fills the earth and our hearts. Read More 

PHOTO: Mary van Balen
As the messengers were leaving, Jesus began to talk to the people about John: ‘What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed swaying in the breeze? No? Then what did you go out to see? A man wearing fine clothes? Oh no, those who wear fine clothes are to be found in palaces. Then what did you go out for? To see a prophet? MT 11


Taken from today's gospel reading, these words challenged me. Sometimes when I pray and try to discern where God is in my life and what I am called to do, I am surprised by what I discover. I don't always like what I "hear." For example, as I continue to look for full time employment with no luck, I don't want to hear "trust in me." I want to hear "We'd love to have you!"

But trust is what I am asked to do. Work hard, apply for jobs...and trust.

Or, when I am faced with something I would rather avoid but must meet head on and no amount of prayer makes it any easier, I wonder...why do I pray?
 Read More 

PHOTOS: Mary van Balen
This year's Advent wreath reflects the non-traditional path I have been traveling and the beauties to be found in it. Many of my belongings are packed away and I was not sure what kind of wreath would mark the weeks of Advent. After unsuccessfully looking for the perfect blue and rose colored candles or candle holders, I decided to use what was at hand instead.

I drove to a friend's home, and together we walked past her old barn and along the paths that wind through fields and along fence rows to gather earth's bounty. I had nothing particular in mind and we kept eyes and hearts open to see what would be offered for the taking. Read More