Mary van Balen

Elijah said to Ahab, ‘Go back, eat and drink ; for I hear the sound of rain.’ While Ahab went back to eat and drink, Elijah climbed to the top of Carmel and bowed down to the earth, putting his face between his knees. ‘Now go up,’ he told his servant ‘and look out to the sea.’ He went up and looked. ‘There is nothing at all’ he said. ‘Go back seven times’ Elijah said. The seventh time, the servant said, ‘Now there is a cloud, small as a man’s hand, rising from the sea.’ Elijah said, ‘Go and say to Ahab, “Harness the chariot and go down before the rain stops you.”’ And with that the sky grew dark with cloud and storm, and rain fell in torrents. Ahab mounted his chariot and made for Jezreel. The hand of the Lord was on Elijah, and tucking up his cloak he ran in front of Ahab as far as the outskirts of Jezreel. 1Kg 18,41-46 (First reading from today's Mass)



The King needed convincing. His people, in general, had come to accept Yahweh as their God, but Ahab was a holdout. He needed water. Elijah promised his God would send rain. So, Ahab drove his chariot (how does one do that?) up Mt. Carmel at Elijah's prompting. Don't know if the king ate and drank, or just brooded. Elijah prayed. Hard. Finally his servant reported that a small wisp of a cloud had appeared.

By the prophet's reaction, one would have thought it was a thunderhead. He instructed his servant to hurry to Ahab and tell him to get his chariot down in a hurry because the coming storm would soon make descent impossible. This little cloud held that much water? Read More 

I didn't know the aftermath of divorce would be so difficult, just like I didn't know my marriage would be untenable. It isn't what I miss. Surely the good that came of the marriage took root and lives. And of course there are my grown children. No, it is not the missing. It is the acceptance of who I am and where I am that is the struggle.

As the Carmelite poet, Jessica Powers writes in her poem, "To Live with the Spirit," I am learning to be a listener. Throughout my life I have tried to be a listener to the God Within, so perhaps a more accurate account of my present journey is learning to be a better listener: One who trusts, one who is more comfortable with silence.

Psalm 62, from today's Morning Prayer, comes at this same truth from another angle: "In God alone be at rest, my soul, for my hope is from her...Trust God at all times, O people. Pour out your hearts before him, for God is our refuge..." Read More 

So they grumbled against Moses. ‘Give us water to drink’ they said. Moses answered them. ‘Why do you grumble against me? Why do you put the Lord to the test?’ But tormented by thirst, the people complained against Moses. ‘Why did you bring us out of Egypt?’ they said. ‘Was it so that I should die of thirst, my children too, and my cattle?’ Moses appealed to the Lord.
‘How am I to deal with this people?” he said. ‘A little more and they will stone me!’
Ex 17, 2-4


After camping in a place without water, the Israelites complained, wondering why Moses had led them out of Egypt in the first place. From the hardships of the desert, slavery wasn't looking so bad. At least slavery as they were remembering it at the moment.

Sometimes, having made choices that lead us to a particular place or situation in life, we can become discouraged with where we are and question why we chose as we did. Uncomfortableness of change makes the old and familiar appealing once again, no matter how bad they really were.  Read More 

SCULPTURE: Lament by Connie Butler

While I was hanging up pajamas at the store, the television above the entrance to the fitting rooms was tuned to CNN. Anchors spouted various polling percentages of disapproval of Obama's healthcare reform. When I returned to pull robes off the rack, the talk was about who the reform was helping and how repeal would contribute to the deficit.

"We are the only nation in the West that doesn't have healthcare for its citizens," a co-worker lamented. "I just don't GET these people.!"

My heart sank.

Breaking news later: a shooting in a LA high school; an earthquake in Pakistan.

Local news: a naked man, scratched and bleeding, had approached a home and begged the residents to let him in. Understandably, they were hesitant and called police. When they arrived, they could find no trace of the man. He was later found dead. Pictures of a tattoo were to be broadcast later in the hopes that someone would be able to identify him.

I ate dinner out this evening and read an alternative paper as I enjoyed Lebanese cuisine. The new governor, inheriting a financial crisis (as so many are), wants to cut services and benefits. No new taxes. I sighed. Working with poverty programs for years, I know some of those who will suffer most. Teaching for more years, I know that cutting frenzy reaches classrooms, too. How can we keep deluding ourselves that we can run a city, state, or country, without increased revenue?
Somewhere I read that Illinois governor is considering new taxes. The rest of the governors are "still in denial."

My heart fell lower still. Read More 

PHOTO: Mary van Balen
Be patient, brothers, until the Lord’s coming. Think of a farmer: how patiently he waits for the precious fruit of the ground until it has had the autumn rains and the spring rains! You too have to be patient; do not lose heart, because the Lord’s coming will be soon. The Judge is already to be seen waiting at the gates.James 5:7-8,9

The reading from this evenings Vespers speaks to my heart. While life seems to fly by the older one becomes, it can also seem to crawl along. Finding a job, for example, takes forever these days. Many things in life take time to unfold, and I try to hurry it along. That is not a good habit, I have discovered, but it is difficult to break.  Read More 

PHOTO: Mary van Balen
I take heart remembering that Blessed Pope John XXIII, in his autobiography, "Journal of a Soul", called himself a beginner when it came to prayer, always a beginner. Last night I went to bed in an agitated state, thinking about full time jobs and my lack of having one, the mess waiting to be neatly repacked in boxes, and final papers for the dissolution. I woke in pretty much the same state, so I shouldn't have been surprised when quiet prayer was anything but quiet. Read More