Mary van Balen

Originally published in the Catholic Times

Sunday’s readings from Deuteronomy and from Luke emphasize two things: God’s law is the law of love, and it resides deep within each of us, as close as our mouths and our hearts. The Old Testament reading is taken from the end of Moses’ speech to the Israelites who had completed the long wanderings in the desert and were on the brink of entering the Promised Land.

Moses had recapped the struggles of their journey, told them blessings come from their curse, and that God would gather them back from the nations where they were scattered. The command Moses gave to the people, to turn back to God with their entire being, was attainable. Unlike Gilgamesh, the hero of the ancient Mesopotamian epic, who traveled to the ends of the earth, to the depths of the sea, and to the heavens, in search of the secrets of the gods, the Israelites had God’s word on their lips and in their hearts. They had only to obey it.

In the gospel reading from Luke, when a scholar asks Jesus what he must do to attain eternal life, Jesus answers with a question: “What is written in the law?” The scholar replies that the law is to Love God with one’s whole being and to love one’s neighbor as one’s self. Jesus tells the scholar to go and live out the law.

Why did the scholar persist in questioning Jesus? Read More 

I wrote a guest blog for Dr. Kelley Winters' site, commenting on Dr. Drescher's letter to the New York Times and the importance of transsexual children being able to socially transition at a young age. Written from my perspective as a mother, it offers some different insights into the issue. Check it out href = http://gidreform.wordpress.com/2013/07/10/response-to-dr-jack-drescher-and-the-new-york-times-about-childhood-transition-part-5-guest-blog/>here. Read More 

In the print edition of the June 30 the New York Times, published a letter by Dr. Jack Drescher with the headline Sunday Dialogue: Our Notions of Gender. In the letter, Dr. Drescher comments on Coy Mathis and the Colorado Division of Civil Rights' decision to allow her to use the girls restroom in school. He continues with comments about gender dysphoric children and possible therapies for them.

His letter has prompted numerous responses both in the NYT and on websites and blogs. I found Dr. Kelley Winter's blog GID Reform Weblog full of interesting information and comment.

I stand with those who advocate allowing children to transition socially, giving them to opportunity to grow up as the person they know themselves to be. I applaud the Colorado Civil Rights Division decision. The California legislature's recent passing of a bill allowing students K-12 to use the restroom that matches their gender identity and presentation is also a step in the right direction. This bill also allows students to participate in sports and use locker rooms aligned with their gender identity Read More 

Today's Old Testament reading is one of my favorites. From Genesis 28, 10-22a, it tells the story of Jacob stopping to sleep while journeying to find a wife from his mother's people. He takes a stone for a pillow and dreams of a ladder, or ramp, stretching from the earth to the heavens, filled with angels or messengers ascending and descending. In the dream, God was looking over him and promised the land to Jacob and his descendants, who would be "like the dust of the earth," a blessing to "all the clans of the earth."

"And look," God continues, "I am with you and I will guard you wherever you go and I will being you back to this land, for I will not leave you until I have done that which I have spoken to you."

Jacob woke up and said, "Indeed, the Lord is in this place, and I did not know." He stands the stone used for a pillow upright, pours oil over it, and uses it to mark the holy place, calling it Bethel, the house of God.

I am often like Jacob.  Read More 

Using a public restroom has never been a problem for me. I looked for the "woman" sign, in its various depictions, and walked right in. No thought. But that is not true for all of us.

I have accompanied transsexual women to retail stores, movies, and other public places where the dilemma of which bathroom to use causes a lot of stress. Going into the men's bathroom dressed as a woman was unthinkable. Entering the women's bathroom had its own problems. How would people look at them? Would they be rude or worse? We've heard horror stories of transswomen being abused for using the women's restroom.

If adult women feel pressure, imagine the confusion and stress felt by students deciding which bathroom to use at school.

So, California's passing AB1266 is a step in the right direction.Read more hereThe bill allows students K-12 to use the bathroom that matches their gender identity, not necessarily their physical body parts. The bill also permits students to participate in gendered sports and the appropriate locker rooms. Read More 

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love.

1 John 4:18 (NRSVCE)

Today I read a blog on Huffington Post by Linda Rovertson,
Just Because He Breathes: Learning to Truly Love Our Gay Son. It moved me for many reasons.

First, I am familiar with fear taking over when really, all I wanted to do was love. When my daughter confided in me that she was transsexual and had known since she was a toddler, all I wanted to do was love her.

"I love you. I always will. God loves you. That will never change."

I spoke the words. And I meant them. But I was not perfect in love, as 1John 4:18 states. I was afraid of many things: Of my daughter getting hurt. Of hatred in the world for people like her. Of how friends and family would react. Of what her revelation would mean for all who loved her. So, instead of being free to love and to celebrate with her, I was afraid and wondered if there might not be some way to "fix" it.

I needed time and my daughter's love to make my journey past fear. Read More 

I've been thinking of Dad all day. He died in September, 2011. This would have been his 95th birthday. I thought of him as I washed my face and noticed the diamond engagement ring he gave to my mother sparkling on my finger. (It's difficult to think of Dad without thinking about Mom, too.) How many times its brilliance reminds me of the example they were of what St. Paul said in today's reading: The entire law is fulfilled in this one thing...Love your neighbor as yourself. Mom and Dad were good at that.

Parents are a child's first experience of the world. Of love. If one is blessed. And I was. I have lots of memories of Dad. I remember crying and being sick when he had to leave for a week when I was young and he traveled a lot for his job. Mom said neighbors commented that they knew Dad was home when they looked in the windows and could see little legs dangling as Dad carried his young children, one by one around the house.

Two things I remember about Dad these days, as I plug away at finishing a book and the website and marketing tasks that ago along with it. The first is his unwavering support and confidence in his kids (and grandkids). Once, Dad and I were working in his basement shop. He was stretching fabric over a wooden board for one of my high school art projects. I wanted to paint a picture of a pregnant Mary and a young Joseph for a contest. We talked as we worked, and I told him my dream: I wanted to write a book someday.  Read More 

The Supreme Court's ruling that DOMA is unconstitutional is a victory for equality in our country. When two people commit themselves to a lifelong relationship (That's the hope, anyway, for straight and gay couples), they should enjoy the same protections and support whether the union is between a man and a woman, two women, or two men. SCOTUS has ruled to do otherwise is unconstitutional. Still, most states do not recognize same-sex marriages. There is still work to do.

While striking down DOMA and passing on Proposition 8 is hopeful, it is not the whole story of this court's week of rulings. As Michelangelo Signorile wrote in the first paragraph of his Huffington Post blog, The Death of DOMA and the Transformation of America on Gay Marriage, the same court gutted the Voting Rights Act, removing federal oversight of changes in voting practices in states with a history of obstructing minorities right to vote. Read More 

Exultation is the going
Of an inland soul to sea,
Past the houses—past the headlands—
Into deep Eternity—

Bred as we, among the mountains,
Can the sailor understand
The divine intoxication
Of the first league out from land?
Emily Dickinson


With the surf pounding beside us, my daughter and I walked the beach this afternoon. My lungs appreciate deep breaths of salty sea air. My heart and soul appreciate the gift of the sea. Emily Dickinson had it right. For this inland soul anyway, going to the ocean is cause for deep joy.

I remember the first time I experienced the ocean. I had finished freshman year at college. My parents, my sister, brother, and I took a trip to the East Coast. Though Mother's family was from Massachusetts, we had never been. I'm not sure what beach we visited first, but I will never forget the moment. Sounds of pounding waves were the first hint of the immensity of what lay ahead. Then, walking beyond the dunes, I saw it. I was overwhelmed with its beauty. Its energy and power. Surely, this was holy ground.

I have never recovered.  Read More 

As of June 14, 2013, the Social Security Administration made changing one's gender in his or her social security records easier to do. Proof of surgical procedures that bring the body into alignment with a person's gender identity is no longer required. This is good news for transsexuals who seek to make gender designations in official records and on identity cards, driver's licenses, and passports reflect their gender identity.

Body alignment surgery is expensive, and many transsexuals must save for years before having it done. Some, for various reasons, may opt not to have the surgery. In the past, that often meant having the wrong gender indicated in records and carrying cards that "outed them" at times and in situations not of their choice.

As Mara Keisling of The National Center for Transgender Equality states, ""Most people may not see this as a big deal, but transgender people know that this seemingly small technical change will protect their privacy and give them more control over their own lives."

See more about the change on the NCTE website.
 Read More