Mary van Balen

Conversion is not viewed as an act of turning away from this or that sin toward this or that virtue. True conversion is never so neatly defined or cleanly accomplished. Conversion involves the gradual reshaping of consciousness to the point that the "convert" begins to view life in a radically new way. It is not something a person DECIDES to do, as though it were in our power to do so. We are led through conversion by the gracious Lord who alone has the power to reshape our consciousness, and who must do so in the face of deep resistance. In the ways the the spirit, it is the Lord and not ourselves who determines that from which we must be purified, and this is usually the source of our greatest resistance.
Peter Fink, S.J.



A friend sent this quote to me saying, "...it always speaks to me about the hidden ways God is doing what only God can do in us--and we're not aware of it at all. In fact, we often believe just the opposite."


Both the quote and my friend's words speak to me this Lent. I have chosen a couple disciplines this Lent focusing not on "giving up" as much as "giving time." Forgoing some activities that devour more time than intended in order to do something more life-giving. I am giving myself "soul room" by clearing out some clutter.

While I think that is a good thing, and intend to stick with it, I am reminded by Peter Fink and my friend, Luisa, that God may be working somewhere else in my life to slowly radicalize my way of seeing and living.

I like thinking of the hiddenness of God's hand. Awareness that anything and everything can be a moment of transformation helps me reverence the people and events of my day.

Giving thanks for all of it, the annoying, mundane parts, the work, the suffering that I would wish away if I could, makes sense looking at God's work this way. Who knows.

I guess that's the point. God knows. Not me.



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Last week I was feeling particularly discouraged. Selling intimate apparel was never my dream job! As I spoke with customers and cleaned out fitting rooms that had been left a mess, I wondered what a person with a graduate degree, an educator, and author was doing in my position. The Holiday shopping season looming ahead did littel to brighten my mood.

I guess I had forgotten the lessons learned from Brother Lawrence about "Practicing the Presence of God." Reading through some of the reflections in Liturgical Press's new monthly prayer guide, "Give Us This Day," reminded me of the call to be present to God in the ordinary events of our lives.

The October "Blessed Among Us" reflection highlighted a woman I have read, Caryll Houselander, an English laywoman mystic whose vocation was to help others become aware of Christ in our world. She was not the stereotypical mystic. She enjoyed a drinking, battled for twenty years to give up chain-smoking, and was left broken hearted by the man she loved. She never married.

Her mystical visions were of Christ in those around her. In one, she saw him suffering in a Bavarian nun, who being German, suffered discrimination during WWII in England. In another, she saw Christ in each person in a busy railway station. In some he was rejoicing, happy, in others, suffering and in pain. Her first book. This War Is the Passion,"was written in 1941 and presented the sufferings of those traumatized by WWII through the perspective of the passion of Christ.

She was an artist, a wood carver, but later in her life, writing became her primary artistic expression. Read More 

PHOTO: Mary van Balen
Why should I be honoured with a visit from the mother of my Lord? For the moment your greeting reached my ears, the child in my womb leapt for joy. Yes, blessed is she who believed that the promise made her by the Lord would be fulfilled.’ Lk 1, 43-45

The alarm sounded at 2:30am. For a moment, I couldn't remember why. The eclipse! I bounded out of bed, stuffed my fluffy-socked feet into warm black boots, threw on my coat over the white robe wrapped tightly around me, and opened the door into the night. Crunching over snow, I walked to the backyard and looked upward. Read More