Mary van Balen

Last week I was feeling particularly discouraged. Selling intimate apparel was never my dream job! As I spoke with customers and cleaned out fitting rooms that had been left a mess, I wondered what a person with a graduate degree, an educator, and author was doing in my position. The Holiday shopping season looming ahead did littel to brighten my mood.

I guess I had forgotten the lessons learned from Brother Lawrence about "Practicing the Presence of God." Reading through some of the reflections in Liturgical Press's new monthly prayer guide, "Give Us This Day," reminded me of the call to be present to God in the ordinary events of our lives.

The October "Blessed Among Us" reflection highlighted a woman I have read, Caryll Houselander, an English laywoman mystic whose vocation was to help others become aware of Christ in our world. She was not the stereotypical mystic. She enjoyed a drinking, battled for twenty years to give up chain-smoking, and was left broken hearted by the man she loved. She never married.

Her mystical visions were of Christ in those around her. In one, she saw him suffering in a Bavarian nun, who being German, suffered discrimination during WWII in England. In another, she saw Christ in each person in a busy railway station. In some he was rejoicing, happy, in others, suffering and in pain. Her first book. This War Is the Passion,"was written in 1941 and presented the sufferings of those traumatized by WWII through the perspective of the passion of Christ.

She was an artist, a wood carver, but later in her life, writing became her primary artistic expression. Read More 

So, during supper,
fully aware that the Father had put everything into his power
and that he had come from God and was returning to God,
he rose from supper and took off his outer garments.
He took a towel and tied it around his waist.
Then he poured water into a basin
and began to wash the disciples’ feet
and dry them with the towel around his waist.

I have given you a model to follow,
so that as I have done for you, you should also do.”
Jn 13, 2-5;15

Holy Thursday was a beautiful day here, sunny and cool. I spent part of it with a friend at her home in the country. We took a walk and drank in birdsong, blooms, and buds ready to unfurl. Then we shared a simple meal, breaking bread and remembering the meal Jesus shared with his followers before his death.

As we ate, the sun shimmered on a pond not far from our table. What glorious Love surrounds us in creation. That the maker of all this beauty shares Divine life and glory with us is unimaginable. That God is willing to serve, to "wash our feet," is even more so. Yet, that is what Jesus did, setting the example for all who follow him.

I watched the news this evening and reflect on the time spent with my friend, with the peace and joy that nourished my spirit as we ate together and spoke of God's loving Presence. That quiet day was a gift to me, but on the television screen, I saw a world in turmoil. People are dying in their attempts to end repressive regimes; people are suffer from too much rain and from too little. War, hatred, anger, fear are the daily fare of many.

Why do I have a day of renewal, friendship, and peace while others suffer? A mystery. A gift. But not for me alone. Those of us who have plenty are called to give much. I don't know how this looks exactly. How sufferings "even out" or if they do. Why some people are born in places of constant strife and violence and why others are not. I don't know why some have heavy burdens to carry and others seem to glide though life in a charmed way.

I don't know how my small efforts during a day make a difference to anyone, or how an act of kindness could chip away at suffering anywhere else. I cannot make sense of the big picture. Jesus knew it, as the gospel reading says. He knew who he was and what he was about, even if he didn't know all the details.

I choose to trust him, the God who washes dirty feet. I choose to believe that however I can help another, however I can serve will make some difference. I leave our Servant=God to take care of the details.

 Read More 

"The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself,‘O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity — greedy, dishonest, adulterous — or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week...But the tax collector stood off at a distance and would not even raise his eyes to heaven but beat his breast and prayed,‘O God, be merciful to me a sinner.’
I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former;for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled,and the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”
Lk 18, 11-14

Still, you insist on sincerity of heart; in my inmost being teach me wisdom.
Ps 51,8


Attributed to King David, this penitential psalm asks for forgiveness after David's affair with Bathsheba. David recognized his sinfulness and offered his broken heart, asking God to wash away his guilt and to allow him to remain in the Divine Presence.

Recognition of personal sins and brokenness need not bring despair, but can allow one to open his heart and accept God's mercy and Grace.

The Pharisee in the gospel reading presents a heart very different from that of David.  Read More 

SCULPTURE: Lament by Connie Butler

While I was hanging up pajamas at the store, the television above the entrance to the fitting rooms was tuned to CNN. Anchors spouted various polling percentages of disapproval of Obama's healthcare reform. When I returned to pull robes off the rack, the talk was about who the reform was helping and how repeal would contribute to the deficit.

"We are the only nation in the West that doesn't have healthcare for its citizens," a co-worker lamented. "I just don't GET these people.!"

My heart sank.

Breaking news later: a shooting in a LA high school; an earthquake in Pakistan.

Local news: a naked man, scratched and bleeding, had approached a home and begged the residents to let him in. Understandably, they were hesitant and called police. When they arrived, they could find no trace of the man. He was later found dead. Pictures of a tattoo were to be broadcast later in the hopes that someone would be able to identify him.

I ate dinner out this evening and read an alternative paper as I enjoyed Lebanese cuisine. The new governor, inheriting a financial crisis (as so many are), wants to cut services and benefits. No new taxes. I sighed. Working with poverty programs for years, I know some of those who will suffer most. Teaching for more years, I know that cutting frenzy reaches classrooms, too. How can we keep deluding ourselves that we can run a city, state, or country, without increased revenue?
Somewhere I read that Illinois governor is considering new taxes. The rest of the governors are "still in denial."

My heart fell lower still. Read More 

I guess this falls under "I wish I had written that." This morning while perusing the New York Times, I came across an op-ed written by David Brooks titled "Tree of Failure." He lauds President Obama's memorial speech and his call for a return to civility but points out the "Tree of Civility" has roots in recognition of our failures, sin, and weaknesses.

At the risk of cliche I will say that "It takes a village." Everything we do well involves others in one way or another. Despite rampant individualism, the truth is, no one gets to heaven on their own. Salvation is not a "personal" accomplishment. We get there together or we don't get there at all. As Grace would have it, the God who is calling us to Oneness has promised the success of the journey, but it won't be one by one.

Similarly, a climate of civility will not return to this country by isolated efforts or by people, convinced of the truth of their views, working to win over the rest of us. Read More 

PHOTOS:Mary van Balen
Short gray hair replaced the long dark cascades that framed her face in younger years and some songs were voiced in a lower pitch, but Joan Baez still sang songs that called blessings on the poor and homeless, the "salt of the earth," that lamented the injustice suffered by "deportees," and that called for peace.

Her voice occasionally soared in the same hauntingly clear tremulous soprano tones that had filled concert halls and farm worker's fields in the 60's and 70's. More often, the sound was softer, and once the ending of piece appeared sooner than expected, dangling awkwardly for a moment between her and the young man who was accompanying her on guitar.

"We love you, Joan!" someone in the audience shouted.

She looked up. "Even with all my flaws?"  Read More 

Painting by Ford Maddox Brown



Then he withdrew from them about a stone's throw, knelt down, and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cupfrom me; yet, not my will by yours be done.
Lk 2241-42


Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus,
who, though he was in the form of God
did not regard equality with God
as something to be exploited,
but emptied himself,
taking the form of a slave,
being born in human likeness.
And being found in human form,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to the point of death -
even death on a cross.
Phil 2, 6-8

"Humble God" is an oxymoron, or so it would seem; but Jesus' coming to be with us was humble from his birth to his death. He was always and completely who he had chosen to be: God embracing human form in order to reveal inclusive Divine Love and Mercy. His willingness to walk among us is beyond human comprehension. His willingness to accept death on a cross is humility beyond imagining. Yet, he Most Holy Mystery moved among us and showed us how to live, remaining faithful to his mission of Love.  Read More