Mary van Balen

"Have you celebrated that, Mom?" my daughter asked as I mentioned that this month would mark the beginning of my twenty-seventh year of writing my monthly column, "Grace in the Moment."

"Well, no. Not really."

"Well, you should. You should celebrate your accomplishments, and that is a big one."

I conceded that one ought to celebrate, but wasn't sure how to do something like that. I mean, shouldn't someone else plan the celebrating? It seems odd to throw a party for yourself.

"It doesn't have to be something big. Go out with a friend and have a drink, or go to lunch, or something."

She had a point. Our lives are busy with work, family, and friends. The house can always use some attention. There is shopping and laundry, and yard work. Who has time to think about celebrations? But we should.

Honoring our achievements is not bragging. It is a way to reverence who we are and the way we contribute to the world. Sometimes by our work. Sometimes just by who we are. Recognizing an accomplishment empowers us to go on, to build on what we have done. It is as much a push to the future as it is a nod to the past. Celebrating milestones is a kind of self-care: making sure we appreciate and nurture the gifts we have. Read More 

Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Be compassionate as your Father is compassionate. Do not judge, and you will not be judged yourselves; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned yourselves; grant pardon, and you will be pardoned. Give, and there will be gifts for you: a full measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap; because the amount you measure out is the amount you will be given back.' Gospel Luke 6:36-38








While in Thailand, I discovered a postage stamp that pictured the goddess with a thousand arms. Not knowing the story of the thousands arms and thousand eyes, I did a little research and discovered that this goddess, Guan Yin, is one who hears the sounds or cries of the world. She listens and with her thousand eyes finds those who suffer or need help. Her arms allow her to snatch them out of their suffering or to keep evil at bay. Guan Yin is a Buddhist Bodhisattva of compassion.

I was drawn to the image as an expression of Divine compassion, emphasizing the feminine face of God. Today's reading instructs us to be instruments of compassion in the world.  Read More 

PHOTO: Mary van Balen
I take heart remembering that Blessed Pope John XXIII, in his autobiography, "Journal of a Soul", called himself a beginner when it came to prayer, always a beginner. Last night I went to bed in an agitated state, thinking about full time jobs and my lack of having one, the mess waiting to be neatly repacked in boxes, and final papers for the dissolution. I woke in pretty much the same state, so I shouldn't have been surprised when quiet prayer was anything but quiet. Read More 

Photo: Mary van Balen
Thirty minutes of sitting quietly in God's Presence doesn't sound difficult, but when I am out of spiritual shape, I can't do it. Signs of spiritual laxity have been evident for a while: lack of energy and focus, interior turmoil, and dwindling hope. Yesterday I decided to do something about it.

First, I decided to let myself sleep until I was rested, a simple thing I have consistently neglected.  Read More 

Today will be a gift to myself: I am painting a small bedroom that will become my office. It has been sitting empty, waiting. Weeks ago, my brother prepared the walls, filling in cracks and repairing a little water damage, not much for a ninety-year-old home. Why have I waited so long to pick up where he left off? Doing something for myself often is more difficult than doing something for others.

This may be a “mother’s syndrome.” Attuned to needs of our families from the moment we wake to cradle a crying infant, we buy clothes, pack lunches, and organize impossible schedules. We dry tears, cheer at games, and help with homework. We listen, hold, and make our house a home.

These are good things, but sometimes in the process, I forget the necessity of doing something for “me.” Painting my office does not seem as important as meeting with concerned students, being with my father, celebrating a daughter’s entrance into grad school, or riding along as she makes a last minute run for computer parts. (Those errands are always more fun when done with someone else.)

The hours spent for others, especially my children, are treasures I would not trade for any amount of time or money. Relationships are most important: God, family, and those who people my life. Still, how easy to forget the relationship with self, the need to nurture one’s spirit so it does not wither. I can tell when mine is drying up: I resent others and their needs. I want to go away, read a book, or watch a movie, anything that does not demand attentiveness.

What wilts my spirit ? Lack of sleep. Constant activity. Neglect of prayer. Not being able to say “no.” Stress. Bad eating habits. Nothing new. What we all know, but often ignore.

I would like to claim all of the above as reasons for not painting the room, but to be honest, I have to throw in a bit of procrastination. That being said, I am taking this day and making a beautiful space for myself. As I work, I will remember that God wants me to have what I need. After all, she is a mother, too. Read More