Mary van Balen

IMAGE: Artist Unknown
Last night I received a call from a good friend whose son suffers from chronic depression. He was not taking his medications and was sinking into a darker place than the one he usually inhabits.

After the call, I sat and let tears run down my cheeks. Another friend of mine has spent much of her income on medications and counseling, often doing without when disabilitly payments didn't cover the costs. Why are some of us afflicted with a disease that makes the moment by moment choice of life so conscious and excruciating? Life dishes out enough pain and suffering to challenge all of us. Why do some people have to face its difficulties already burdened? It's the Job question, I guess. Nothing new, but suffering is not rendered easier by its constancy throughout human history. Read More 

Today the Catholic Times published a cover article: Catholic Blogs:Sharing the Gospel in the Digital Age by Tim Puet. When Tim interviewed me for the article, he saved this question for last: If Jesus were alive today, would he be a blogger? If so, what would he blog about?

I did not hesitate to answer "Yes." I think Jesus would take advantage of opportunities offered by modern technology to reach a broad audience with his message. As I read the CT article, I was intrigued by fellow blogger Patrick Madrid's comment that, in his opinion, Jesus would not blog as he preferred face to face communitcation. Read More 

PHOTO: SAINT JOHN'S ABBEY
Life’s twists have turned me into a vagabond, and my Benedictine spirit is rebelling. A large canvass tote packed with a change of clothes, calcium pills, and a notebook sits at my bedside, ready to go. My purse holds a toothbrush and phone charger as well as more standard fare. I have deodorant and a Ziploc of herb teas on the nightstand at a friend’s house and have to look at my planner to remember where I need to be the following night.

This morning, I walked into the kitchen of my father’s home, switched on the electric teakettle, and felt an overwhelming need to cook. I wanted to fill the refrigerator with foods like eggplant, sugar-snap peas, and chicken. I wanted to stay put instead of shuttling between the house I am preparing to sell, a friend’s where I crash after I’ve packed a day’s worth of boxes, and the big home where I grew up. I carried a mug of tea into the upstairs bathroom where I sank into a tub of hot water and read a few pages of Anne Lamott before realizing that what woke me at 6am was the same thing that had dogged me for a couple of weeks: My monastic soul longed to stay put. I needed to cook, to pray, and to be faithful to the writerly life. Why didn’t I? Read More 

PHOTO: NASA, ESA and the HUBBLE HERITAGE TEAM Cosmic Question Mark


Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you…Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you the, who are wicked, know how to give good things to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask?”
Mt 7, 7; 9-11


Tonight I joined my parish for a soup supper and shared thoughts on Lectio Divina with them. As I talked about finding a “word” in Scripture, a passage that moves the prayer’s heart in some way, I warned that not all “words” given in Lectio warm the heart. “ Some words will be challenging. Some make you uncomfortable, even angry. Some are mysterious and confusing.”

Today’s reading from Matthew falls into that last category for me. How many times have we “knocked” and been left outside, alone?  Read More 

IMAGE FROM Rhodes Jewish Museum



Blessed is the one who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,
nor stands in the way of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of scoffers.
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on God's law day and night
Psalm 1, 1-2




What comes to mind when you hear the word "law?" Traffic regulations? Tomes of legal statutes? Rules that you cannot break without suffering consequences? Laws, unless changed by legislation or edict, are static and guide individual and societal behavior.

Such definitions come quickly to a modern, western mind, but not to an ancient Hebrew one. To them, law (or Torah) was given by God not only to regulate their behavior, but also to help them become a wise people. (see Dictionary of Biblical Theology by Xavier Leon Dufour)

The Law was not static, but developed as Hebrew history unfolded. By the time the Israelites had returned from Exile and the Psalms were written, "law" was equated with "Wisdom," and to love the Law was to love God. Read More 

PHOTO: MARY VAN BALEN




"...Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward being;
therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Fill me with joy and gladness...
Psalm 51, 6-8a



Today begins the ancient season of Lent. While it is often connected with "giving up something," the next forty days are more than a time to lose weight by not eating sugar. It is a time to deepen one's relationship with God by reflecting on what separates us from intimacy with the Holy One.

I love Psalm 51 and it's statement of the Divine desire for Truth to fill our inmost being. To be filled with God's Truth is to be filled with Compassionate Love, for ourselves and for all. How can this happen? How does one grow in the ability to hold God's Presence within?

While giving up candy or too much television may be good things, they are good not because candy or television is innately "bad," but because they can give us the illusion of filling up the emptiness placed in our deepest center, the emptiness that can be filled only by the Holy One.

What speaks to me in this section of Psalm 51 are the words: "Therefore, teach me wisdom in my secret heart."

In order to receive this gift of Wisdom, my heart must be receptive. I must be aware of existing in the Holy Embrace, undistracted, present to the moment where God and I both reside.

That is the challenge of Lent for me: To spend time with this greatest Lover, time to repent of habits and preoccupations that keep me from opening my heart and receiving the Gift so faithfully given.
© 2010 Mary van Balen Read More 

PHOTO: MARY VAN BALEN
My world is more chaotic than usual. I am still looking for a job, throwing my net wide. The move from one home to another is not complete, and early this week, my father was taken to the hospital. Along with my brothers and sisters, I have been spending time there, talking with doctors, holding dad's hand, and keeping other family informed. This morning I woke at 5am, overwhelmed with thoughts of preparations to bring dad home and writing tasks left undone. My agitated spirit reminded me that I had not spent time with Lectio for the past few days either.

I dressed and settled at the dining room table. The empty house was quiet and as I began to sing "Come Holy Ghost," tension began to ebb away. I opened my small black Bible and began reading slowly to find my "Word."

The Spirit hovered over the chaos.
© 2010 Mary van Balen Read More