Mary van Balen

WOMAN'S HEAD, BY KATHRYN HOLT, PHOTO MARY VAN BALEN


Years ago, my daughter sculpted a woman’s head for an art class but forgot to make a hole in the base to allow the escape of heated air. The piece exploded in the kiln, and she was irritated at her oversight. Her instructor, ceramicist Tony Davenport, had a different opinion.

“Don’t worry,” he said as she glued together large pieces that remained. “This may be the best thing that happened to it.”

Kathryn wasn’t sure how to take his remark. Did the hours painstakingly dedicated to creating the head count less towards its artistic merit than the accidental explosion?  Read More 

PHOTO: MARY VAN BALEN




"...Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward being;
therefore teach me wisdom in my secret heart.
Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
Fill me with joy and gladness...
Psalm 51, 6-8a



Today begins the ancient season of Lent. While it is often connected with "giving up something," the next forty days are more than a time to lose weight by not eating sugar. It is a time to deepen one's relationship with God by reflecting on what separates us from intimacy with the Holy One.

I love Psalm 51 and it's statement of the Divine desire for Truth to fill our inmost being. To be filled with God's Truth is to be filled with Compassionate Love, for ourselves and for all. How can this happen? How does one grow in the ability to hold God's Presence within?

While giving up candy or too much television may be good things, they are good not because candy or television is innately "bad," but because they can give us the illusion of filling up the emptiness placed in our deepest center, the emptiness that can be filled only by the Holy One.

What speaks to me in this section of Psalm 51 are the words: "Therefore, teach me wisdom in my secret heart."

In order to receive this gift of Wisdom, my heart must be receptive. I must be aware of existing in the Holy Embrace, undistracted, present to the moment where God and I both reside.

That is the challenge of Lent for me: To spend time with this greatest Lover, time to repent of habits and preoccupations that keep me from opening my heart and receiving the Gift so faithfully given.
© 2010 Mary van Balen Read More 

A new semester is about to begin, but I will not be teaching this time around. Instead, I am joining a host of other Americans looking for full time employment. As much as I enjoy teaching theology as an adjunct instructor, I cannot give the time and attention required for large classes while searching for a job that comes with benefits. Perhaps the opportunity to return to the university classroom will come again. Meanwhile, I am searching the Internet for openings and filling out applications.

This exercise requires me to revisit my educational background and employment history time after time. I imagine the application of a once stay-at-home mom who worked at a variety of part time jobs while keeping the home-fires burning looks different from those filled out by career people who have lost their jobs to downsizing and the poor economy. Read More 

Photos: NASA
"…Letting go of things we thought we could not live without…” The words crashed into my heart with such force that I glanced around to see if anyone else felt the tremor. All eyes were on the speaker; I jotted the words in my ever-present notebook and settled back to hear more.

Jay Jackson, a colleague and friend, was presenting his final paper, “Kenotic Aging: Life Discovered in Letting Go,” before receiving his Master of Arts in Theology degree next week. Kenosis is ancient Greek for “emptying” and is used in Christian theology to speak both of Jesus’ incarnation, emptying himself “…taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness.” (Phil 2.7), and our personal self-emptying that allows God to fill us with Divine Self.

Theological discussions can sound technical and far removed from everyday life, but Jay took Kenosis and brought it home: Self-emptying is letting go. This Christmas, my first not part of a couple, I am particularly aware of letting go. I won’t be arranging gifts under the Christmas tree at 2 am. Instead, I will drive a few hours to spend Christmas with my daughters at one of their apartments. Holiday preparations are minimal. Instead I am studying for the GRE, filling out applications, and finishing a freelance writing job.

Rather than allowing myself to become nostalgic and focus on what is not happening this Christmas, I am becoming aware of the upside of letting go: openness to new life and new opportunities. As Jay pointed out in his presentation, emptying oneself of some things opens one up to receive others. While that sounds exciting, living it out is not easy. Accepting new life and embracing new opportunities requires waiting, facing unknowns, and trusting that what eventually fills up the emptied places will be life giving.

Christmas invites me to trust. The Maker of All Things, Jesus Christ, became a vulnerable human infant, trusting Mary and Joseph to protect and care for him, to nurture him as he grew. Undoubtedly, he had to empty himself of human concerns and fears to be filled with Spirit and Love that enabled him to trust completely as he walked his adult path, embracing even death.
Jesus showed us what a human life filled with God’s Self looks like.

Sometimes, life does the emptying: Jobs are lost; loved ones die; accident, illness or age diminish vitality. Even before birth, emptying is built into our genes “programming” the basic physical and mental selves we begin with. “Letting go” can be accepting with grace what has been taken from us, not filling the space with bitterness and anger. Sometimes, the emptying is intentional, and we choose to let go of things in our lives.

I am reminded of a few lines of favorite poem by Sir Thomas Browne:

If thou could'st empty all thyself of self,
Like to a shell dishabited,
Then might He find thee on the ocean shelf,
And say, "This is not dead,"
And fill thee with Himself instead.

Kenosis is not a self- loathing type of emptying; instead, it frees us up to be our best selves. God created each of us, a unique and beautiful reflection of Divinity. As we move through life, that self is hurt, distorted, crowded out by life’s busyness and demands. Kenosis is an invitation to let go of everything that is not us, and let the bit of God we have been given to shine on the world fill us again.  Read More