Mary van Balen

PHOTO: Mary van Balen
Be patient, brothers, until the Lord’s coming. Think of a farmer: how patiently he waits for the precious fruit of the ground until it has had the autumn rains and the spring rains! You too have to be patient; do not lose heart, because the Lord’s coming will be soon. The Judge is already to be seen waiting at the gates.James 5:7-8,9

The reading from this evenings Vespers speaks to my heart. While life seems to fly by the older one becomes, it can also seem to crawl along. Finding a job, for example, takes forever these days. Many things in life take time to unfold, and I try to hurry it along. That is not a good habit, I have discovered, but it is difficult to break.  Read More 

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"On this mountain the Lord of hosts will make for all peoples a feast of rich food...And he will destroy on this mountain the shroud that is cast over all peoples...Then the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces...Let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation for the hand of the Lord will rest on this mountain." Is 25:6a,7a,8a9b.10 (from today;s Mass readings)

Both the first reading and the gospel from today's Mass present a warm and compelling picture of our God. Everything about the two accounts pulls us toward the Lord who is generous beyond anything we have experienced. I read these passages and think: "I want to be there." This God is irresistible. Read More 

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Jesus was walking along the sea of Galilee and saw two fishermen casting their nets out for a catch. He called to them and asked them to leave their nets and follow him and he would make them fishers of men.

What would make two grown men leave their nets and follow a stranger who promised to make them, of all things, fishers of men? What does that mean anyway? The only thing stranger than the invitation was the response of Simon and Andrew: Sure. We'll leave everything we know to follow someone we don't to become something we are not sure what it is. Read More 

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Unexpected activity on the homefront resulted in my arriving late for Mass,and I walked in while the celebrant was delivering his homily.

Bill, one of the hospitality misinters that morning, gave me an especially long, warm hug. I put my head on his shoulder and thanked him for his welcome. I love my little parish. No one feels judged there. All are welcome, even when they are late.  Read More 

PHOTOS: Mary van Balen
This year's Advent wreath reflects the non-traditional path I have been traveling and the beauties to be found in it. Many of my belongings are packed away and I was not sure what kind of wreath would mark the weeks of Advent. After unsuccessfully looking for the perfect blue and rose colored candles or candle holders, I decided to use what was at hand instead.

I drove to a friend's home, and together we walked past her old barn and along the paths that wind through fields and along fence rows to gather earth's bounty. I had nothing particular in mind and we kept eyes and hearts open to see what would be offered for the taking. Read More 

PHOTOS:Mary van Balen
I live in the house where she and dad raised my four silblings and me. I sit on their couch, launder clothes in the washer she'd used for years and gaze out the dining room window, watching squirrels scamper up and down the grand pin oak in the front yard. Just like mom did, and her mother before her. Over the past two years since she died, many things remind me of her and I miss her face, her hugs, her love.

Thanksgiving preparations put an ache in my heart, a deep-down "missing mom" that lingered over dinner and remained as I fell into bed.

I used her rolling pin to make pie crusts.

"There's nothing to making a pie crust," she always said. Her mother, Becky, who lived with us, had said the same thing. I believed them and have made my own pastry since I could reach the counter. With every handful of flour, every pass of the rolling pin over the dough, I thought of her and tried to put as much love as she had done into each pie.

"Mom," I said, "I could use one of your smiles, or comments that everything will be fine. Read More 

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Yesterday was a struggle. Perhaps, as my spiritual director suggested, this year's holiday season will be difficult. When she mentioned that a week ago, I was quick to respond: "Oh, I don't think so. I have been living on my own for close to two and a half years. Besides being legally recognized, not much has changed. I'll be fine."

She smiled, and knew better I suspect. This time last year my three daughters joined dad and me for Thanksgiving. This year, Dad is in a nursing home, and I baked a ham tonight to give him an alternative to turkey when my daughter and I have dinner with him at noon on Thursday. Later my daughter and I will visit one of my brothers and his wife. I need to be in bed early to be ready for work in at 4:45 am on Black Friday (Stay tuned for that one!).

Many times all three daughters have not been able to make it home for Thanksgiving. What is different this year is that there is no family home for them to return to, and there will not be again, at least not in the traditional understanding of "family home." Read More 

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"FAITH: May the God of FAITH be with you, sending you miracles and teaching you to expect them. May God show you things that can be seen only in darkness. May your faith see you through the unknowns in your life, calling you to trust the unseen presence of God in them. May your faith serve as a beacon to light the way for other pilgrims on the way. May the blessing of FAITH be upon you." p 60

My group of "Sabbath House" friends sat together after dinner, pondering the blessings that come with struggle and pain in our lives. We read a meditation by Joyce Rupp and then shared our personal struggles and the blessing they offered, however difficult to see or feel at the moment. Read More 

PHOTO: Internet Movie Database
The movie, "Agora," tells the story of Hypatia, the great female mathematician, philosopher, and scientist of ancient Egypt during the fifth century CE. The story follows atheist Edward Gibbon's account of the destruction of the great library in Alexandria that has Christians destroying the collected wisdom of the ancient world. While a number of ancient sources place the burning of the library well before the time of Christ let alone the life of Hypatia, the library's destruction was likely not due to a single event but to many, some as mundane as crumbling papyrus and lack of time, money, and interest to maintain such a huge collection.(see The Mysterious Fate of the Great Library of Alexandria, Bede's Library, James Hannam ; The Great "Library" of Alexandria?" by Heather Phillips; Library of Alexandria, Wikipedia; The Burning of the Library of Alexandria by Preston Chesser . )

While the story of Hypatia, an independent woman in the male domain of scholarship, the history of Alexandria, and the fate of the library kept me riveted to the screen, the theme of intolerance and violence born of religious fanaticism was uncomfortably current. Read More 

PHOTOS:Mary van Balen
Short gray hair replaced the long dark cascades that framed her face in younger years and some songs were voiced in a lower pitch, but Joan Baez still sang songs that called blessings on the poor and homeless, the "salt of the earth," that lamented the injustice suffered by "deportees," and that called for peace.

Her voice occasionally soared in the same hauntingly clear tremulous soprano tones that had filled concert halls and farm worker's fields in the 60's and 70's. More often, the sound was softer, and once the ending of piece appeared sooner than expected, dangling awkwardly for a moment between her and the young man who was accompanying her on guitar.

"We love you, Joan!" someone in the audience shouted.

She looked up. "Even with all my flaws?"  Read More